How do I do it.

I keep hearing people say to me, I don't know how you are doing this. Losing a child is something I couldn't handle. Lets be all the way honest, I don't know how I am doing this either. I can't figure out how I get out of bed everyday. I have no clue how I smile and say I'm doing alright when people ask. I have no words to describe the way my chest aches every single day without my baby with me. I hear people complain about things that are so minor, like really? Stop complaining and enjoy your life. Enjoy your children and family. I am not saying that those problems they are complaining about aren't real, but I promise it can get so much worse. I promise that I think about all those frustrated moments, I wish I would have just relaxed some and enjoyed the happy moments. I wish instead of stressing such minor small things , I would have just let it be and Thanked god for every smile and kiss I received from the kids. Stop worrying about those few dishes, that 5 dollars your short, let those kids have chips and a hot dog. Let them play in the bath with a million bubbles. Let them make your kitchen a disaster and enjoy arts and crafts with them. Messes can be cleaned up later, houses can be put back together. Dinner can be heathier tomorrow, Today enjoy those little smiles and laughs. Let them laugh and see you happy with them. Cuddle them longer and read that extra bed time story tonight. Don't take for granted the things you feel you are entitled to with your children, I can promise you that we are entitled to nothing. At any given moment, there are no more memories to be made. Life can be unfair and crazy. Don't just assume you have forever to laugh and kiss them. I know it sounds unbelievable, I never thought I wouldn't watch one of my children grow up, see her smile and watch her turn into a beautiful young woman. But I am sitting here with 10,000 what ifs. A million questions of how she would have turned out. I never thought this would be my life. Go kiss your kids. Your family members. We are not entitled to any given amount of time, we have no rights to any of that. When it is cut short, It feels like you have been robbed of all the joy in life. I will try my hardest to never take it for granted with any person I love ever again. I love you Mellodi May, Your life has taught me more then I ever even knew I needed to know. I can't wait to see you in heaven and hold you in my arms again baby girl. Until then I will enjoy every moment I have watching your brothers and sisters grow into amazing young adults. Every day that goes by will you not be on my mind, I'll never stop missing your smiles and cuddles.

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